Honk or Dare!
by DoctorRed54321
Summary: John Egbert visits his friend Dave Strider. He interrupts something huge. WARNING: There will be cursing and sexual themes here. Sorry.
1. How We Started

You, your wild hair flicking in the breeze and your hood flying behind you, are John Egbert.

You decided to visit Dave's apartment. You heard that the Strider's home had been abuzz with activity lately, all sorts of people coming in and out and joining and... And and and.

His house was interesting. You heard he was getting married soon. To who? Jade Harley. He didn't even talk to you about it.

You sigh as your DAD silently allows you out of his car. You stumble slightly, confused by the amount of heat and wind that roll about Dave's house.

You look at it. You could parcially own his house, as he was marrying... Oh God.

You tried to push that from your mind as you walked into his home.

Your blue clothes were warm, and you were happy for the most part. You had missed Dave! You hadn't seen him in a while. And, you heard something about them finding his sister in a forest or something. Interesting, a sister? How many lost siblings might he have?

You walked up the steps and knocked on his door. You swore you had been here before... And was that... Numa Numa playing in there?

Dave open the door and looked down to you. "Sup." He said simply.

He was in his pajama-clothes. The red ones with the gear on the front. His God Tier clothes. They were comfortable... Well, your's were, at least. His cape fell down to his side and bunched up on top of troll horns. Terezi was hiding behind it. You laughed and bent down to talk to the troll. She pulled the cape from her face and you were greeted with her large teeth.

"Hi, John!" She said. She then licked your face.

You wiped her slobber off and waved to her. "Hi, Terezi, Dave!"

You stood up and held your hand out for a fistbump. Dave returned it and mumbled something about irony before tunring and letting you into his home. You walked in.

My God was it a mess.

There were people EVERYWHERE, to say the least. To list, you saw Gamzee and Karkat talking on the couch, Terezi and Dave before you, Rose and Roxy talking in the kitchen, Davesprite and Jade talking above the crowd, Nepeta and Equius on a hornpile in the corner of the living room, Jane and Dirk whispering to one another (they looked serious, which worried you), Eridan... Eridan?!

You looked to Dave for an explanation. He shrugged.

"Lots of doubles have been showing up here. I guess we fucked something up when the Doc came."

"The Doc?"

"The ninth one."

"...Uh, okay?"

Terezi grinned up at you. "There's another you here! He's in the backyard!"

"Oh, really?" You were instantly interested. "Can you show me?"

Whoops. Bad choice of words. Terezi frowned at you. "No way in hell, now."

"Oh, I'm sorry... I forgot." Oh no. You did it again.

Her frown increased in length. "How do you just forget that type of thing?!"

She pulled away from Dave's cape and walked away, tapping her cane down occasionally.

Dave turned to you. You flinched under his hard gaze. "Dammit John, you've been here, what, three minutes and twelve seconds, and you've already pissed someone off?"

He watched for your reaction. You went silent. He sighed and walked into the kitchen.

You jumped and proceeded to fucking bash your face into a wall after you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned back, rubbed your now-sore nose, and saw a small girl who looked rather cat-like to you. She was bending down a bit, like a scared kitten, her short hair swaying slightly as she muttered an apology. Her brown eyes (which you thought were black at first) were wide, and her pupil size was changing too rapidly for you to describe. Her purple shirt and long jeans made swishing noises.

"It's okay..." You mumbled in response. You offered her a smile... Till someone fucking pushed you back into the wall.

"Hey, wait! Meow!" You heard the girl say, and your heard her swishing clothes move. Was she defending you? "Zephyr, he isn't hurting me!"

"But he just made the blind one upset..." You heard another person say behind you. "He looked like he was about to hit you! ... Un!"

You didn't turn around in case anyone else wanted to shove you into a wall. Of course Jake wanted to help out with with the pushing. You hadn't even noticed him here! How and WHY was your grandfather at your best friend's house?

"He isn't too violent, madams." He said. "Why don't you allow me to man-handle him?"

"Don't hurt him!" The cat girl yelped. "I hurt him, not the other way around! Meow!"

Finally, you turned and spoke. "It was my fault. Ignore me."

You tried to rush from the scene, but the second girl stopped you with a hand.

"Wait! Aren't you going to go apologize to the blind one...?" She asked. Your body shifted to see her better.

"Uh, sure!" You said. Her eyes made you uneasy. There was something... Mad hidden in there. You were sure.

She watched you expectantly. You saw her hair, which curl up at her shoulders, make way for her curled horns, which went behind her head. She had a long black sleeved shirt and skinny jeans. with lime green outlined black all star sneakers. She had two chains with blades at the tip one on each hip, she has short boy cut hair, which fell into big bronze eyes. Her horns are spheres bit a little bit points at the top in the middle, they are on the smaller side. She also has fingerless gloves made out of black cotton. Her clothes were held down a bit by a satchel. A rather large one at that...

The hair around her horns looked like down feathers on a baby duck. Her lightning-blue scarf made her adorable level increase ten-fold.

_Aw... _You thought_. She looks cute! _

You didn't mean that in any weird ways... Uh...

You assured yourself of this. The cat girl looked cute, too, but you wouldn't date either of them.

...Right?

Okay stop. You were making the situation awkward.

"S-So," you stuttered, starting the conversation again. "Where did Terezi go?"

"I didn't see... Un..."

"I saw!" The cat-girl started slinking past you, and then broke into a run. You cast a glance at the troll and ran after the human, your feet kicking up a storm. You heard the troll follow swiftly. You all left Jake in the dust.

While running, you trip over what you think was one of the Eridan's legs and hop up, trying to righten yourself, and fall face-first into a mound of blonde.

_Is this hair? _You wonder. It feels soft and you're quickly caught up in it. You flail and make it worse.

"The hell are you doing?" You hear from the owner of the mountain growl at you. Oh God no. She whipped around, her hair perfectly removing itself from you, and tackles you down. She hisses behind rectangular shades and holds you down. She's obviously shorter than you, and her hair is fucking coating your everything. It's a miracle you can see her pale face around it.

The cat girl rushes around you, trying to calm the blob of yellow down. She didn't move. She just watched you.

Your eyes darted around her hair as you looked for an opening. You saw her exposed stomach and short shorts. How could she wear that comfortably?!

You took a chance and headbutted her. She recoiled and held her forehead as you scrambled out from under her. You grit your teeth as your head throbs. Dammit...

You hit the back of your head on something firm. You turn and see Dirk Strider towering above you. His shades are blinking with hints of red. His auto-responders..?

"Did you just hit my sister?" OH, FUCK. Your hands shook and you yelped. The entire room went silent. Shit got serious when Dirk got mad.

You felt hands on your shoulders. A ruffle of feathers told you it was Davesprite.

"Whoa, bro. Let's just calm down." Davesprite soothed. "This is Egbert, after all! He probably just fucked up."

"You don't fuck up that bad. Even for an Egbert."

"Bro, give the poor kid a try." The blonde-haired girl spoke up, rubbing her head. "Let him strife."

_Are you serious right now? _You thought in annoyance.

"Strife?" Dirk turned towards you. You instantly forced yourself to stand tall. "You up to that?"

_Like I have a choice. _"Sure."

The blonde ran at you in a hurry, pulling out a scythe and bringing it down on you.

You took the completely logical option.

You did the windy thing.

It certainly pushed the blonde away. You saw Karkat hit the wall with a gasp. Dave had walked through the kitchen just in time to be pulled into your tunnel of wind. Gamzee honked as he was flung across the room. The cat flew onto your head and latched onto you. Jake was slammed into Dirk. Jade was holding onto Davesprite and not letting him go. Eridan clinged to Eridan and a third character (however you couldn't see him), weighing them down. Terezi soared by your face, riding Tavros's wheelchair. You didn't want to know where Tavros himself was.

You had only been at Dave's home for maybe ten minutes, and you had already destroyed his property and hurt just about everyone there.

_**Amazing.**_

Well, your name was John Egbert, and you wondered how you were going to survive a day like this.


	2. The Wand Addiction

You are Dave Strider. Your best friend has just fucked up your house. Apartment. What the fuck ever.

Anyway, your house was now in shards. Your fucking table was in the goddamn kitchen! Your fiance was a nervous wreck and your bird self was pissed. Bro was just laughing. Laughing his ass off.

You found Tavros outside in the yard, just lying there cause he can't fucking move. You asked Terezi to help him out (which, now that you think of it, wasn't the greatest idea) and headed back inside. You marched straight up to Egbert.

"Egderp, you fuck. What did you do?"

"I'm not a fuck!" He puffed hot air. "I strifed."

He did that thing that you hated most. He crossed his arms, knitted his eyebrows, and looked all-around annoyed.

"You fucking destroyed my house." You gave him a poker face in return.

"It. Was. A. Strife." He glared at you.

"Use your Goddamn hammer next time." You stormed away from him.

You went to Dana, 'cause she and Zephyr were closest to John when he decided to go ape shit. Her hair was fucking everywhere. She seriously needed a brush. Her clothes we swishing in the breeze that was left behind as she pulled the couch back into place.

"You okay, Sis?" You asked her. She didn't look from the couch.

"Just fine."

"HEY, coolkid!" You heard behind you. Oh shit. It was Nubby. The past Nubby was an ass. "Where the fuck did the asslicking motherfucker go?"

"John?"

"Yes."

"He went outside, I think." You kept your mouth together in a thin line. So what if you misled him?

"Are you fucking kidding me?" The troll ran out. You knew trolls well enough to know when they were worried, and, damn, was he worried. Frantic, almost.

You wondered why as Ned walked past you, her hair bunddled up above her head. She didn't seem very happy, either, as she was making hissing noises. Hell no. No snakes in the house today. You walked in front of her.

"Yo, calm your tits." Bad idea.

"I don't need to calm anything!" She reached up to back-hand you, and her matesprite (or whatever that troll romance shit said she was), Eve, snatched onto her wrist.

"Ned, calm down..." She led Ned from the fight with a swish of her green clothes. You saw the star symbol on her back stretch with evey movement.

Those two were fucking weird sometimes.

You turned back to your sister, Dana. She had put the couch back into place and was now dealing with calming down Zephyr. The short troll looked upset. Or was that confusion?

Like you gave a fuck.

You looked around the room, wondering where oh my god that was fuckin' vriska shit shit shit.

~Transition~

Your name is John Egbert, and you just watched a troll be crushed, possibly to death, by a piano.

A piano that was on fire. And that troll was Vriska.

You yelped and ran towards the piano, blowing out the fire with a gust of wind. Was she okay?! The roof was in tears but you didn't care. The bright room was silent, all screams of fear gone. Everyone gathered round. Those who didn't watched closely. You were at the center of their vision.

You stood in front of the charred piano, mouth agap. You could see movement in the side of your vision. A swish of a cape. A growl. A finned ear.

You realize that Eridan was the cause of this.

You gasped as a hand- robotic at that- ripped up through the piano. A very mad-looking troll pushed herself to you and sighed, leaning against you.

"Vriska..?" You asked her quietly. You were insanely worried. That was your piano! Who just dropped a piano on people? "Are you okay...?"

Thinking about it, how did your piano even get there?

"Just fine..." She muttered. "I'm going to kill whoever did that..."

Your eyes went wide and you pushed Vriska away from you. She stumbled and gasped in surprise, and fell backwards into Karkat.

Who, for some reason, had a rainbow scarf around his neck...? And his hair looked longer...

You watched in horror at what you caused. Karkat was shoved into Gamzee, who honked loudly and jumped back to avoid impact, who also bumped into Rose, who simply fell back into Eridan's grip without reaction otherwise.

Eridan held them up for just a few seconds... Then fell into the wall with a loud THUNK. His wand rolled from his now-unconsious hand and skittered across the floor.

You watched it, the horror gone from you as the room errupted into cries of worry. You walked towards the wand and picked it up, noticing people hurry around you... But not really feeling them...

You felt yourself walking. Something didn't feel right here... You didn't feel like yourself. You noticed you were in the middle of the room when...

You pushed the wand into the air above your head...

And you picked up the house.

You felt things snap as you pulled the house from its foundation. You heard the screams but you didn't care. You stopped seeing. Everything turned white. You raised the house into the air, farther and farther. You swore something touched you. You stopped hearing. Your all was focused on moving the house. You could only feel. You could only conduct the house.

You started to keep a beat. A four/four beat, allergo, C major... You imagined yourself playing the piano. What did you play? Prelude in C major. Duh. Obvious choice.

The poor house, though! You had no idea of the damage you were doing. All you knew was that of a symphony. You were staying perfectly in line, which was almost impossible for any musician out there! You let out a laugh (well, you guessed you let out a laugh) and felt the ground shudder and shake.

Then you lost control of your white science. Had someone seriously just knocked you down? You felt perfect and in control for once! And, what, someone decided to fuckin' knock you into the floor and take away your slice of Heaven?! OH, HELL NO!

You didn't wait for your vision to adjust when it came back. You were already up on your feet, kicking the person who lay limp in the floor. You only stopped when you saw a flash of gray snatch your wand from the floor and you were forced down to the floor, beside the coughing splotch of red that you had kicked.

You landed face-to-face with the kill-joy. You simply glared. You saw his lips move in slow curves as he spoke.

"Are you fuckin' done killin' everyone yet?" When you regonized his voice, you gasped and reached out to touch his face with shaking hands. He smacked you away with a furrow of his eyebrows. Oh, no. You had pissed him off.

You had pissed off time, damnit. Good job.

He forced himself up as the house was landed by the original owner of the wand. You looked to Eridan from the floor. He scowled at you, baring his teeth. You offered him a smile. He flipped you off, and accidantly blinded you with the shine of his ring. You recoiled and hid your face. Such a bad idea to allow yourself to dwell in magic, you now realize, as you roll around on the floor, hands over your eyes. That actually hurt more than the shine. You were pressing your glasses to your face. Smart.

You yelped as Dave snatched you up by the hood and held you in the air. It was choking you, truthfully, and you kicked at nothing and flailed your hands on his hand.

"Don't fuckin' kick the shit out of me in my own Goddamn house."

"S-Sorry, Dave!" You gasped. He dropped you on your ass.

You sat there as everyone talked about you, or about how you had injured them, or how you were such a dumb ass...

You also heard a lot of people worried about Dave. You sighed, a long and gusted sigh, then stood, walking outside into the Winter air.

What had come over you? Something felt... Bad (?) when you picked up the wand. Something was wrong about you when you did that. You defiantly weren't being the happy person you usually were. You felt happy while you were conducting, but... It was like a bad addiction!

Not that you had any experience in that.

You let your mind wander as you headed out of the apartments. You kicked up into the air to fly above the countless buildings. It was no surprise to you to see all the buildings, but the undying heat that came, even in December, around Dave's home caught you off-guard. You had trouble controlling the hot air.

You went back to your thoughts, soaring like a bird.

If you had been mentally affected by Eridan's wand, then why did you feel so... Amazing during the flight of the building? Why did you feel at peace when you were destroying one of the only places your best friend held near? Why did you think of DAD at home and your MOM (where ever she went) when you demolished something someone loved?

Maybe that's exactly why. The wand might of made you happy to be evil.

Weird.

You spread your arms and sighed contently, adding to the wind that tunneled and moved about you. You left those wonders alone and dipped in and out of the clouds. It felt amazing to fly. More amazing than the wand business. It was like being dropped into a world where you could create anything and everything you wanted. A place to paint a mark on history.

It felt like freedom. It felt angelic. And, most of all, it felt like home.

~Transition~

Your name is Dave Strider, and your best friend has just kicked the shit out of your stomach. Not literally, of course.

Ah, fuck it. You were in no mood to be technical.

You were headed outside to_ voice your opinions_ to his past self. You walked slowly, and placed your feet apart from each other. You smirked, knowing how these could be called strides. Your smirk dissipated when you saw the past John floating in the pool. He looked rather happy, just talking to a pissed past Karkat. You watched his deep eyes carefully, staying the the shade of the building. He looked pure and innocent, loving, simply.. Joyful. He was smiling his buck-toothed smile and he was laughing as Karkat complained about the water.

How could you stay mad at something so happy?

He must have noticed you. He turned towards you and smiled. "Hi, Dave."

You couldn't. You can't. You instantly felt terrible.

"Fuck you, cool kid." Karkat.

You turned away with a swish of your hooded cape and walk inside. You had to find John and see what broke him out of that pure state.

You flash-stepped into the streets and ran, looking all around for your best friend. John liked the cold, so he was probably out of your city... You ran through the urban utopia, panting as you ran. Damn, it was hot. It was December! C'mon.

With only a week till Christmas, you sure hoped it would turn around...

Your eyes went to the sky once you had left your city's limits. The fucker better have not gone any farther.

When you felt cold air on your face, you knew you had your suspect. He was in a clearing in a forest area, floating in the air, curled up in a ball. He was shuddering and shaking, but his face was hidden, so you had no idea what was wrong. You stepped towards him carefully.

"Egbert..?" You asked calmly, keeping your poker face. He gasped, fell out of the air, and landed on top of you. You toppled to the ground, numb. You swore you saw tears in his eyes when he dropped...

"D-Dave!" He stuttered, getting off of you and offering you a hand. You push it away and stand, brushing dirt off your pants.

"I'm sorry!" He continued. You held in your smirk as he flailed. "Uh, can I apologize f-for kicking you? I couldn't... A haze thing was leading me! And I felt so mad, and I was s-shaking... I mean, that doesn't make it okay that I kicked you-"

You, knowing he would continue to rant on forever, put a hand on his mouth. When his pools of irises looked to you, you simply said, "It's all cool, bro."

He sniffled, wiped his face on his sleeve, and slipped his arms under yours. You didn't expect that. You, the cool kid, were caught off-guard. You heard yourself gasp quietly, and the boy sobbing into your stomach didn't help you feel any better.  
Who killed his parents...?

You looked down, happy your eyes were shielded, and wrapped your arms around his back. "What's wrong, Egderp?"

"I just.. F-Feel so bad..." He whined into your clothes. "I shouldn't have hurt anyone... W-White science is bad..."

You smirked. "Of course it is."

You stood there, hugging your best friend as he explained things to you, under the trees of the forest you were in. The wind danced playfully in the trees' embraces...

You felt at peace, completely satisfied as John stopped crying, and you talked for hours. You might of actually smiled. You don't remember.


End file.
